The wife of back-from-the-dead canoeist John Darwin has said she feels "hurt" for lying to her sons about his death and has now stopped loving her husband.
Giving evidence at Teesside Crown Court, Anne Darwin denied "putting on" the tears for her family and said she wanted to tell her sons the truth.
Mark and Anthony Darwin had said they felt "betrayed" by their parents into believing their father had died.
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She is accused of taking part in a plot to fraudulently claim Ј250,000 in pension and insurance funds.
Mr Darwin, who vanished from the sea close to his Hartlepool home in March 2002 only to reappear last Christmas, has admitted deception and will be sentenced later.
'Grieving sons'
Mrs Darwin denied she was putting on a charade whenever she appeared tearful in front of friends and family.
Referring to her sons, she said: "I could see how hurt they were and I was hurt for the fact that I was creating this deception.
"I said to John that we should tell them because they were grieving."
Asked by David Waters QC, defending, if she still loved her husband, she said: "At this moment in time, no."
Asked whether she loved him in 2003 when she began to make insurance claims, she said that she had.
Speaking on the fourth day of her trial, Mrs Darwin also said she had no sexual relations with anyone before they were married and none with anyone else since.
The court heard she eventually found out her husband was having an affair.
She said: "I did consider leaving him, but I just couldn't see a life without him. I didn't know how I would cope on my own so I forgave him."
Mrs Darwin said her husband turned secretive when he joined an internet role-playing game.
She said: "It was like a virtual world which was played over the internet.
"The people who played it became characters in this world and they had money to buy and sell things and they used to cast spells on each other.
"He became rather cagey when using the headphones and speaking into the computer if I came into the room. It was obvious he was in conversation."
Mr Darwin later flew out to Kansas in the US to meet a woman, who his wife believes he met while playing the game.
'Treated like pupil'
She told the court she did not try to stop him, adding: "I knew there was no point in arguing because whatever John wanted, John got.
"Superficially he would discuss things with me but my thoughts never seemed to carry any weight.
"What he wanted he would get in the end. He treated me like a second-year pupil."
Before Mr Darwin's disappearance, the couple owned about a dozen properties in the Durham area.
Mrs Darwin told the court they bought the first home in their property portfolio to make up for her not having a pension.
She was against buying further properties after that experience, but said her husband was adamant.
She also said she had no idea about the level of debt they were in, and always wanted to pay domestic bills immediately.
"He would say 'don't pay them now, wait until the red letter arrives, keep the money in the bank and get some interest'."
Mr Darwin was reported missing from the sea close to his home near Hartlepool in March 2002 and the wreckage of his canoe washed up on a beach weeks later.
However, he walked into a police station in December last year, claiming to be suffering from amnesia.
The trial continues.
(BBC)
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